TOXIC PARENTS

TOXIC PARENTS
It is a reality that many people live or crawl, it is
increasingly common to see this kind of toxic relationship or
harmful,it is a mixture of love, hatred, domination,
submission, guilt, self-punishment and emotional breakdown
or psychological.
Very often come to me people living a huge ordeal for this
situation, I particularly was touched by this , so I studied and
fix it from inside, was not easy to find a response and
because there was a great mix of feelings, which did not
allow me to see clearly what to do to break that pattern
psychic wearing me physically and emotionally.
Toxic parents are named by the physiological sensations that
are gradually yielding to the interaction in their children 's,
besides the emotional, psychological and behavioral
problems that emerge from that relationship in which
children end up being "intoxicated "the problems of their own
parents. They were named by the American psychologist
Susan Forward, and there is also a phenomenon that lurks in
the background of many households apparently not seem to
have any problems. The own children of those families prefer
these <self-delusion> and think that is not really happening
to them and end up discarding or filtering off reality all tests,
conditions or practices that harm them, not to have to accept
that reality, They feel it has great emotional problems caused
by the relationship with their parents. Many people have
grown up with selfish parents, narcissistic mothers who only
think of themselves, and even envy the achievements of
their own children and often try downgrading them through
all kinds of emotional blackmail, and criticizes, by
humiliation and minimizing their successes, provided they
always stay on top.
!
Another way that these parents are damaging and devaluing
their children is in fact crush or emphasize its flaws ,
ignoring the virtues that they may have.
Some toxic behaviors such as crushing their children by
imposing a rate of study that children do not want or have
the capacity to. They are those parents who tell their
children that they are worthless , they are nothing without
them , criticizing every step that their children make or who
never show their support even if it’s what they dictate . In
extreme cases parents severely beat or insult their children
justifying with excuses and that there were no other way out
or that the child is unbearable and he deserved it .
!
Toxic parents are also those who are emotionally unavailable
to their children, either by a marked absence or because
they seem to be present, but never actually ask their
children, no hug, kiss or ask them about their emotions ,
fears or concerns; at the opposite pole we also have parents
who are eager for their children, overprotective and do not
let them breathe; for any possibility of independence
becomes negative and outsiders as other friends, couples or
even other relatives, they become enemies of that symbiotic
relationship that the parent will try to maintain throughout
life, performing behaviors that end up isolating their
children. Involved in their relationships, criticizing their
friends or keep them to interact freely. These parents try to
adult like a little boy forever. They can also use them for
their own needs to be "better" than others and why, they can
manipulate you to be better than their friends , their
neighbors, their cousins… in general, "better" than the rest;
thereby depositing germs in their children vanity,
perfectionism, anxiety, intolerance to frustration.
They are also parents who project their frustrations and
desires to succeed personally through their children and
therefore need the son or daughter to succeed to feel
triumphant winners.The toxic parents usually come too
negligent or toxic parental bonds and unconsciously they go
on repeating the same pattern of behavior with their
children, others to realize through their own experience of
the emotional toll what these negative behaviors bring, try
doing the opposite they did with them, also becoming
parents for being toxic such as overprotective or emotionally
dependent.
!

DIFFERENT TYPES OF TOXIC PARENTS
- Controlling
- Manipulators
- Negligent
- Competitive
- Perfectionists
Those who insult and so on. Some are more than one
category at a time .. Some act very subtly, with phrases like:
“I am telling you for your own good" or say it was a joke after
a hurtful sentence pronounced, others made threats
indirectly or emotional blackmail like "if you leave me I'll
die," others simulate diseases so that they have to be cared
for by others, there is those who research and rummage in
the things of their children, invading your privacy if you do
not do what they want and just selecting who yours friends
or their partners should be.
All this through subtle and contradictory behaviors and
comments that make this type of toxicity pass unnoticed on
a rational level; for example, they make great financial
sacrifices and then ask you to do what they dictate to
change; or they are mothers that during the day will bring
breakfast to bed and at night will get angry if you do not stay
with her at home and in the end just for saying "With all that
I do for you!" and those who if they don’t get more than you
will sabotage by pure unconscious and rivalry, and all of a
sudden decide they can’t afford your studies or invite you to
work in the family business in which they will be your
eternal boss.
!!
WHAT DO THESE PARENTS PRODUCE IN THEIR CHILDREN
LONG TERM !
This type of toxic parental ties can make such children have
a tendency to engage in abusive emotional relationships ,
emotional abuse or dependency or conversely , that people
become unable to link emotional mind , unattached and
deepest fears to engagement or feeling of inadequacy at the
prospect of one day becoming mothers or fathers . Depending
on the nature and context situations , such links can cause
adults to become difficult people , submissive , with great
feelings of guilt and insecurities.
!
HOW TO KNOW IF I HAVE TOXIC PARENTS?
These questions are aimed at children :
1 - your parents constantly criticized or insulted you ?
2 - your parents regularly beat you ?
3 - If you took drugs or drank , Did you feel fear, shame or
confusion about that?
4 - were your parents inaccessible by any mental or physical
illness ?
5 - did you have to care for your parents as a child ?
6 - were you afraid of your parents?
7- were you scared to get them angry with you?
The following questions are already addressed to adulthood:
1-¿Considera the link with their parents remains harmful?
2-¿Cree people with which it is linked emotionally tends to
hurt him?
3-¿Espera the worst in people or life?
4-¿Le very difficult to define who you are and what you
want?
5-¿Temes that people do not accept your "real" way of being?
6-Ever anxieties about a potential success? Do you feel like a
fraud?
7-Have you ever angry or sad for no apparent reason?
8-Are you a perfectionist in excess?
9-Is it hard to relax?
10-Have you ever discovered you were acting like your
parents?
11- Your parents still treat you like a child?
12- You make your decisions based on what your parents
opinion?
13-When you go, or you plan to spend time with your
parents, do you feel bad physically or emotionally, you
absorb energy?
14-Have you ever been afraid to disagree with your parents?
15-Do your parents always try to make you feel guilty?
16-Have you ever consider yourself responsible for the
happiness or misery of your parents?
17-Do you think should make them feel better?
18-Do you feel like even if you make a big effort, your parents
think that it’s not enough?
19-Have you ever worried about how to improve your
relationship with them, do you think you can improve?
!
I think that sometimes parents probably without meaning to
consciously are the first to victimize their children. Perhaps
out of ignorance ; not knowing the best ways to guide or
educate their children ; and repeating the same aggressive
pattern of their own parents , because it is the only one they
learned . Or they go to the other extreme and very
condescending , which is much more catastrophic because
they make useless and tyrants children.
!
Bringing a child to life is a lot of responsibility in life, to
society and of course with our own children. The universe
gives us a mission; society requires us responsible and
productive men and our children deserve a full and happy
life for the rest of his days. The lives of our children is in our
hands, parenting is a life changing experience for better or
for worse, you have to think thoroughly and have much to
learn.
For people who want to overcome these links, you are
advised to confront and make an effort to talk about these
feelings with their parents, to be able to express their
emotions and reach small agreements with them.
Unfortunately, there are cases that are very extreme and it
becomes almost impossible to reason with fathers or mothers
who refuse to recognize problem behaviors and always
justify their actions. Sometimes the solution is to "put land in
between" and separate from those parents who feel that you
are making life impossible. Another option would be to
simply accept that you can never get to have a healthy
relationship with them.
!
In many cases, the great psychological need to stay by your
side makes it perhaps the most acceptable decision on an
emotional level; in most cases, it is to understand the causes
and weaknesses that lead them to behave that way, take time
to ask questions and express emotions but not reject them or
no listen; work to get to empathize with your situation and
give forgiveness and compassion and learn to set limits, start
saying "no", learn to analyze the unconscious intentions of
toxic behavior; as seeking attention or affection demand and
to meet those needs in a rational and healthy way; work on
not taking things so personally and too seriously, accepting
the limitations of one's parents; build a "shell" from them or
psychological circle of protection from their attacks to not
reach you or be affected by their words and learn to protect
our emotional, psychological, financial autonomy and our
own individual capacity before making decisions.
As a parent I think that to give love isn’t so much science,
you just feel ,it flows , expressed through physical contact,
with words of encouragement , interested in the problems of
our children, in their dreams , meeting their basic needs
respecting their rights without falling into criticism.
!
Errors can be committed through ignorance,but in the end ,
nobody is perfect . But the lack of love causes much
emotional damage, which is difficult to process the feelings
that emerge and get the ones affected stuck. I think we
should guide our children with rigor , discipline and
standards or values that will help them be better people ,
when they feel love they are feel achievement in everything
they do.
!